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| January 11, 2002
By by Phat Plastered
Phat Plastered Interviews IRISH#19 about WinterNasty
Always getting the last word...
|  Phat talks to Irish while he is in the stands watching the action...
The Wrap Up...
The Good, the bad and the ugly, and I am not talking about Charlie Stretch, the Refs and Irish…
Phat Plastered Interviews Irish!
Phat Plastered sat down the other day in the stands and spoke with Irish #19 at length. Here is a transcript of the interview.
We are here with Irish, watching a Squirt Final, and he has agreed to be interviewed for NARCh. Love him or hate him, we all read him.
Ice Hockey in Southern California is a morass of politics that most good people cannot stomach.
Q. Irish, what did we learn here in Vegas?
A. I learned not to mix gin and sterno while playing solo strip poker in yellow snow… Oh, that was what I learned. You mean what did we all learn?
Q. Yes.
A. Well be clear, will you? What was the question?
Q. What did we learn?
A. That everyone thinks you. Polish 91 and me are the same person.
Q. (Laughter) Yes, but what else?
A. Huh?
Q. What did we learn this Winternationals?
A. Only one gold medal per division, so what’s the point?
Q. That’s what I am asking you.
A. Pretty clear to me: the ultimate goal of competition is the competition itself. It is like when I am at the Roulette Table. Its fun to win now and then, but I still play and have fun when I don’t. I even get mad a little frustrated. OK, so I had to bullet at county for beating the snot out of that ugly stupid pit boss, but the was only once. Most of the time I just learn how to play the game better, ya know?
Q. I think I get it. The process is as important as the result, right? The ends don’t justify the means? Its is better to lose right than to win wrong?
A. What are you, funny? Get away from me. (Laughter) Oh, heck, it’s the twenty-first century. You can stay. Yeah, something like that. I mean, you can’t have a winner if you don’t have those that lose games. Just be glad losing and loser are not the same thing. Yeah, I guess. Sounds better when I write it down. That’s why I don’t give speeches. I talk bad.
Q. What is the meaning of truth.
A. A good ding dong. What kind of stupid question is that? Clinton can’t define “is” and I am supposed to define “truth”? Like how fair is that? Ok, Truth is watching your child being born. How’s that?
Q. You are accused of being very critical of Southern California hockey…
A. Wrong.
Q. Wrong?
A. Wrong. That is like the comment that I bash the Blades. Wrong. If you define bashing as a refusal to look away, then guilty. If you define it as a refusal to be a lap dog or a yes man, then guilty. If you act or live that way, you are the type of person who wouldn’t tell you your fly is open, because they wouldn’t want to embarrass you. So they will, instead, let you walk around and look stupid. Kind of bankrupt. Ice Hockey in Southern California is a morass of politics that most good people cannot stomach. Sincerely silly people run it. The vast majority of the talent, and people you can more easily trust, are in the roller programs, but you have to be careful there too. That’s not a bash, that is the truth. 76% of all kids in organized youth sports are out by age 14. The only problem we have is that we don’t admit there is a problem.
Q. Any comment about the Hockey Dad trial going on?
A. What’s that?
Q. A Dad in Massachusetts is on trial for killing another father after a hockey game.
A. Really?
Q. Yes. Any comment?
A. Only that I am surprised there is only one going on. Have you seen some of these people? They yell and scream at their kids, and its not to borrow money or to have them pick you up from the drunk tank. I saw one parent once take a kid’s silver medal and throw it in the trash. It wasn’t good enough, I guess. The kid cried. Psycho stuff. I took it and hocked it. Stupid people. It’s odd to me how people treat the ones they say they love most like they are some Gypsy in a Nazi work camp. Howie Long never played organized sports until High School. Didn’t seem to hurt him much…
Q. Any real stupid stuff from the stands at Winternationals?
A. Not since I started posting what they were doing. Now, everyone starts to scream out something ignorant and then they hold up, and look around for the KGB. Mostly now I hear things like, “What are you doing?” to their kids. I always wanted one of those 8 year olds to stop and look up at the idiot who sadly spawned them and say, “Skating twice as fast as you can, you fat out of shape middle management living your life through me jerk.” I am going to buy these children dart guns with stupid juice, shoot these loud mouths, and make them walk across the freeway. Better yet, make them Refs.
Q. Speaking of the law, you were kinda nice to the Referees this tournament.
A. I was? Really? Got to change that. No one will read me anymore. (laughter) I don’t know, I just think you kind of have to be sick to want to be a Ref, so I don’t want to tip any over the edge.
Q. Can you rank them.
A. Rank the rank? Oh, I don’t know. C.
Q. Only C? I thought you said the Refs were doing good this tournament, except that one PeeWee Semi call.
A. True. And he screwed it up for the rest of them. Pulled the whole average down.
Q. Seriously?
A. Yeah, no. Oh, OK.
Q. Other than that Ref in the semi, any comments about the others?
A. (laughter) It’s like this. For example, Rocco and my kid have this hate love thing going on. Rocco calls well over 75 % of every penalty he gets. I first thought it was jealousy. Then, I thought he was a goalie. But when they started yelling at each other on the rink, I was fed up. I had all my evidence and I was going to take it to NARCh and PROVE, prove I tell you, that Rocco hated my son. So, when they were on the rink jawing in each other’s face and the poor innocent lad was throwing his $150 stick into the box while quietly discussing Rocco’s parentage, I was determined to get Rocco banned. I was Irish. By God, I could get one Ref banned… Anyway, so when the boy came off I rushed up to him and said, “Come on, I have had it with that %^#@$.” The boy looked at me and said, “What are you talking about?” I told him I saw the exchange between him and Rocco. He just shrugged, “We always yell at each other. Rocco’s tight.”
Q. No banning Rocco.
A. Yeah, like I could get away with that. Cripes, I got all pissed at a coach a few weeks back for his team breaking $450 buckos of my kid’s sticks, and by the time I got home I heard I had shot gunned him in the gut and sold his children into slavery. I stand by myself and stay silent, and get quotes attributed to me. Where was I?
Q. Trying to make sense out of the ref thing.
A. Making sense wasn’t a condition of the interview. I guess that games get called one way or another, and sometimes what you see is not what you think, and its all a part of the game. When they get real stupid then I will say it. I could care less what they think. When they get real stupid…
Q. Like when…
A. Don’t get me started. (laughter)
Q. OK.
A. Oh heck. I never have been cautious. My only negative comment about the Refs? Pocket the whistle in the last two minutes unless a machete is in use. In some games things were let go and then at the end of the game they wanted to make up for 20 minutes of sleep. But, all in all, very well reffed…except for the PeeWee Semi…
Q. OK, OK. We know that one pissed you off. So, what about the NARCh staff?
A. They are ugly, stupid and smell horrible.
Q. Are you serious?
A. Of course not. They smell fine. The rest of it fits.
Q. OK. What about the division? Do you want to run them down.
A. I would like to run some of them down with my Hog.
Q. Seriously.
A. Yeah, right. OK, lets start with the Atoms. Now these guys were 8 and under, right? Pure developmental. Only thing you should worry about is how better they get. Winning is always fun. But when I watch kids sit in a 8-0 or 7-0 game, which happened twice, then we need to reevaluate what we are doing and how we are doing it. There is no reason to showcase any kid in Atoms. Nobody who makes any difference is watching. The only way players are going to get better is by experience. If you have a player that is overly dominant in his age group, then move him up. You may think its neat, but trust me, you are earning points where it counts. Also, we need to get away from parent coaches as early as possible, or the parent coach should obtain a reputation that makes your own kid not want to play for you – i.e., he plays less for you than another coach. It is the ONLY way to keep the peace. While I understand that Atom parents and players are new to the game, let me tell you plain: cheering from the stands or the bench in a 8-0 game is bush, un-sportsmanlike and a form or arrogance based upon a sand foundation. I understand nothing happened in the tournament that was against any rule. So what, get a little self control and act above the rules. Now, as to the kids, they were great. They skated their hearts out. They had fun. The Blades are full of talent. The Dogs were really good. All the teams showed promise. But don’t count your chickens right now. I spoke to a few rink management peeps and other coaches who have younger kids or players, and they were encouraged they had a chance for the gold at NARCh… The focus is development, development and development. In some games, I got up and left… We can do better.
Q. Mites?
A. Four great teams. Blades, Dogs, AKS and of course, CPH. Great play from the 10 and unders and I only have one thing to say: Keep up the good work. Waiting to see New York, Saint Louis, Detr
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